Ewan and I have been engaged for 4 years, prior to being admitted to hospital back in March, we had been arguing non-stop. He admitted that he couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I was deteriorating, which was understandable. Yet, knowing this, broke my heart.
Then I was admitted. Every night, in Critical Care, I spent praying that I would pull through to the next day and I kept saying, “I’m so sorry Ewan, I love you.” I didn’t give a damn that I was saying this aloud (while I still could). I promised that I would never take him for granted ever again and to fight for us.
Every time Ewan visited me, I kept telling him that I loved him, in case it was the last time I could say it.
Thankfully I was recovering.
A couple of months after being discharged from Critical Care, I was flicking through Ewan’s photos on Facebook. I started from the very beginning all the way until our recent picture together. I am really glad I did this because it made me remember why I fell in love with him, why I can’t imagine life without him. It reignited my love for Ewan all over again.
So the next time he visited, I said “Shall we set a date for the wedding?”, Ewan smiled and kissed me. Within seconds, we started planning!
He found my engagement ring at home (I lost so much weight on my hands, before being admitted, so I asked him to keep it safe at home until it fits again). This time, when he placed the ring on my finger, it fit perfectly 😍
Then I realised, how was I going to get down the aisle?!
I was completely reliant on a hoist when I realised this. I told myself, “If I still need to use a hoist to transfer then so be it, but I’m not giving up without a fight! I’m not doing this for anybody else other than myself. If I didn’t try then I would never know. I’m going to walk down that aisle and nothing will stop me!”
Fast forward to the discussion with my PT, as I mentioned in Part 4. He asked me if I knew the length of the aisle, I measured with the length of my room and gave a rough estimate. He sat quietly thinking, then said, “I will try my best” to which I replied, “Even if I can only manage half the length or just a few steps, it would mean so much to me.”
He told me that it wasn’t going to be easy and that he really wanted to push me to see how far I could go. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I needed to fight for myself, so I said to my PT, “Thank you”.
My original discharge date was going to be 28th August, but my PT advised me to stay for another 2 months to see how much more I could improve. I was hesitant but deep down I knew this was the best option and i wasn’t going to get this type of intensive physiotherapy anywhere else. I turned back to him and just said, “OK”.
My new discharge date was 28th October. 2 more months. I can do this!
Aside from physio, Grace and I planned another outing. This time, it was a shop that has always been my favourite place to go. It’s a TV and Film shop! Movie memorabilia, clothes, figures, games, accessories, you name it, it’s most likely got it! Grace told me that she had never been there! I was flabbergasted 😱😱
All the more reason to go there! As we entered the shop, Grace was taken aback. I said to her, “What do you think?” She looked around and replied, “Very overwhelming, there’s so much!” I had a massive smile on my face like a little kid at Christmas 😁
I only had £5 on me and I was really hopeful of buying something as I never leave that shop without buying something. We had a good look around but nothing was within my budget range…to be fair I shouldn’t have got my hopes up. I was about to give up looking, but then I drove (in my powered wheelchair) past a clothes rail which had “SALE” on. It was in big letters so I could see it, thank god!
Grace was looking for a birthday present to get for a relative and I was endlessly searching for a tshirt. My arms were really aching at this point but I was determined! I spotted an Iron Man torso tshirt, I thought, “Ooh! How much is it?” So I looked at the tag…£4.99!!!! £4.99!!!! I was very happy, as you can tell I am easily pleased!
I purchased the tshirt and as we left, I turned to Grace and asked, “Will you be coming back?” Without a second thought she replied, “Definitely!”.
And with that…we headed back to rehab in a good mood!
Check out where Grace and I head to, our last outing together, believe me…you wouldn’t expect to go there with your OT!…
Rehab Antics: Well…that was unexpected! Now live 😁