Nakitta’s guest post is the 26th post in the segment on my blog, called “The Reality Of…” which gives others the ability to share their story and raise awareness of the disabilities, illnesses, impairments and invisible illnesses that they have.
Hi, I’m Nakitta. I’m from Harwich, Essex, England.
I have Bipolar Affective Disorder Type 2, Borderline Personality Disorder & Generalised Anxiety Disorder.
A severe episode of depression and symptoms of hypomania (a milder version of mania that lasts for a short period) also known as manic depression.
The fear of being abandoned or being left alone. Problems with self-image, Impulsive or self-destructive behaviour patterns. Extreme emotional mood swings, explosive anger.
Chronic feelings of emptiness. Feeling restless or worried, trouble concentrating and sleeping. Panic disorder with dizziness and heart palpitations.
How They Affect Me
I can be having a really great day then out of nowhere I suddenly start feeling not quite right. I start to feel unconfident and uncomfortable first it begins with my surroundings and then it begins within me.
I can feel my mood dipping whether it’s been triggered by anxiety or bipolar it just happens. And I have absolutely no control of it. I just have to wait it out. Sometimes all it takes is a good book and a hug to make it all okay and other times its three days in bed with no self-care or looking in the mirror unable to eat, sleep, or leave the house.
The main issue with this is that I’m considered “high functioning” so despite not wanting to get up out of bed I have to. I have to force myself to get up, look in the mirror and get ready and go to work. This in itself exhausts me both physically and mentally meaning that on my days off I rarely leave the house and those are the days I have as my “bed days”.
Learning To Adapt
To be perfectly honest with you. I haven’t…I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since I was 12 years old. But Bipolar is a whole different ball-game. I always knew there was something deeper than GAD and “down days” but no one ever wanted to hear that.
It took two attempts at ending my life in order to be taken seriously. I’m on medication for my Bipolar now. But I’ve only officially been diagnosed for just over a month or two now so it’s all still very raw and new. I’ll get there eventually though I’m sure.
Have I Changed As A Person?
Most definitely. I’ve cut ties with so many people since being diagnosed. I had a lot of people in my life who for whatever reason either stopped talking to me or treated my diagnosis like I had a terminal illness. Both of which I wasn’t happy or comfortable with so I removed those people.
I myself am more confident and comfortable in my skin then I have ever been before. It’s taken 24 years but I am there and it’s happening day by day. I’ve learnt not to care about what other people think of me. I’m opinionated and honest and very open about my struggles and my dislikes.
My Favourite Superhero
Spiderman without a doubt. I’m scared of spiders which is kinda funny but Spiderman himself despite being afraid still fought with every fibre of his body to protect the people he loved and cared about from the bad guys. I like to think we’re quite similar there.
Thanks Nakitta for sharing your story with my readers and me!
Nakitta is a very dear friend of mine, wewent to high school together!