Aimée’s guest post is the 6th post in the segment on my blog, called “The Reality Of…” which gives others the ability to share their story and raise awareness of the disabilities, illnesses, impairments and invisible illnesses that they have.
Hello, my name is Aimée Bryan and I am from the UK, Liverpool. I have lived with the condition Scoliosis since I was 9 and have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 13.
Living with these conditions have all played a part on my mentality and worsened my psychological and physical symptoms. I now face constant worry on a daily basis which has also resulted in my struggle of sleeping.
There’s not a day when I don’t battle with one of my symptoms and it now interferes with my daily life. Ensuing crippling panic attacks so severe I felt like I was going to die. Because my spine increased in percentage so drastic and quick it caused me breathing problems so the panic attacks on top of it makes me feel like my chest is being pressed on by a heavy weight which is anxiety.
It’s had a terrifying effect on my physical and mental health inducing nausea, headaches, muscle pain and a pounding heart rate, making me feel lightheaded from how fast and scary it goes. One of my worse symptoms is the shakiness I experience and the wave of heat that rushes through my body making it feel like I am on fire.
It’s a paralysing fear occurring everyday which deteriorated my strength. I isolated myself because of the emotional and mental bullying I faced and I became heavily critical of myself bringing out another barrage of constant worry about whether I was being judged by others.
It’s a lonely and vicious circle that I still go around and around to this day. Since I was diagnosed with Scoliosis my self confidence and self esteem had lowered everyday because all I could focus on in the mirror was the way my clothes hung awkwardly due to my uneven shoulders and the one shoulder blade more prominent than the other.
I felt different from people and found it hard to connect with others just because I had a higher percentage spine and a back brace which made me feel divided by others, when realistically it was just plastic.
The scar that lays from my neck to my lower back is nothing compared to the emotional scarring that Scoliosis has left me with.
All of what happened spiralled into one big load of overthinking, worry, loneliness and self discrimination. The isolation led to continuous low mood and sadness so overwhelmingly stressful and long-lasting I felt unworthy and hopeless.
To this day it has stayed the same and I don’t feel like myself at all, I am always feeling guilt ridden and fear certain situations I have to put myself in.
Changing As A Person
My life is completely different and it changed me as a person due to being thrown into a new life living with Scoliosis and mental health conditions. I am a lot more sensitive, tearful and self critical of myself, always caring too much of what others think of me and never thinking what’s best for me.
Learning To Adapt
I had to learn to adapt as I wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t take back that bit of strength that was unfairly snatched from me due to these cruel conditions. Anyone going through the same I want you to give yourself a daily reminder you are worthy, loved and beautiful and you deserve to be here. You are stronger than you will ever realise.
My Favourite Villain
My favourite super villain would definitely be Harley Quinn because she never lets anyone get into the way of her trying to achieve something.
Thanks Aimée for sharing your story with my readers and me!