Daisy
We officially have a toddler! Daisy is growing so quickly and all she wants to do is explore now. She rocket-crawls, blink and she’s gone into a different room. She is at that stage where if there is a hole, she’ll try and put her finger in it, if it’s my powerchair controller, she’ll steer it, if cupboards have a handle, she’ll open it. So we’ve had to get lots of baby-proof-safety things!
Throughout the month, she has gotten more stable when walking, she can squat, and only recently she’s started dancing while standing (more like twerking). She can climb onto Mum’s snuggle chair too. She’s a little pudding and I’m excited to watch her blossom even more in 2022.
Full of Cold
Tis the season to be full of cold, tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Ahem, but yeah, Ewan came down with a cold and a cough, then Daisy, then me and Mum. We did do lateral flow tests but all came back negative. Daisy recovered quicker than the rest of us – although I’m pretty sure our exhaustion dragged on for another week because as much as were trying to get better, Daisy was more than active, which made us tired more quickly.
Left Scope
If you follow me on Twitter, you might remember this tweet I put out earlier this month…
While I was full of cold, I was still trying to do everything that I usually do – volunteering with 3 different things, writing content for a client, looking after Daisy… and I just couldn’t do it all anymore.
I’ve known for a very long time that I don’t do anything to look after myself – self-care? I still have no idea what it’s all about. Yeah, I eat, stay clean, and sleep but as long as everyone else is okay then I’m content.
But with Daisy taking up the majority of my day, I have about 3 hours in the evening to catch up with everything before I go to bed. For a long time, I could never get anything done because I was always sifting through emails. Something had to give.
The one role my heart was telling me to give up was with Scope. I don’t have time for it anymore, I don’t feel connected with the community anymore. I’ve been with them for over 3 and a half years, and while I’ll always be grateful for how much volunteering helped me during my rehab stay, it was time for me to move on.
So, that’s been one less thing to worry about, which is a welcome relief. Whether or not I’ll continue campaigning with them and be a storyteller, I don’t know. But at least now, I can focus on what I do and won’t be taking anything else on.
As Rory once said to me, “Are you trying to be a superhero of your own and not merely a human being?” which I’m still planning to write a post about as my thoughts on this are everywhere. But, for a short answer, I don’t know…
I want to make people happy, I want to help people. I’m probably subconsciously trying to live up to my blog name and although I know the reality is I won’t ever be a superhero, it’s nice to aim for something.
I’ll go into more another time.
I Can’t Fight This On My Own Anymore
I won’t go into too much detail now but some of you know I struggle with (undiagnosed) PTSD due to being critically ill in intensive care in 2018. I suffer from flashbacks and nightmares quite often and it’s caused me to live in fear for the past 3 years.
I don’t want to live in fear anymore so I did a self-referral to Norfolk Wellbeing and I was assessed (it took 4 hours…) I came away with a referral being made to receive Trauma-Focused CBT. I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t want to talk myself out of getting help. So, I’ll leave it there for now.
Last Physio Session of 2021
I was meant to have physio after I had gotten over my cold, but as Mum still had a cough, we had to reschedule it. The last session of the year always seems to be a memorable one, so no pressure or anything.
I wanted to start with a warm-up, which was walking using the bars. It usually takes a couple of lengths for my legs to ‘wake up’ but when I reached halfway, my legs felt different. I thought it was my nerves/numbness and tingling playing up (I’ve had numbness and tingling in my lower legs every day since 2009, so this isn’t anything new).
But I couldn’t describe how my legs felt, with numbness tingling for so long, I’d forgotten what normal legs feel like. Normal didn’t fit the description though, but one thing did, which I’ve not experienced in over 3 years.
Strength.
What? Was this really happening? Am I just thinking this? But it made me smile and when I told my physio and Sophie, they both looked a bit surprised. I didn’t want to chance anything but at the same time, I did because I had no idea if this would be a one-off.
So, I sat in front of the doors, with the entire length of the physio gym in front of me. I asked my physio how much she supports me when I’ve walked with my frame previously. She said she only lightly holds on to my transfer belt incase I lose my balance.
Okay, so would it be worth trying to walk with my frame by myself? But with my physio and Sophie still beside me, not holding my belt but having their hands ready to grab my belt incase I lost my balance.
For the first time in over 3 years, I felt ready. And they both agreed too. I said, “Even if I manage 5 steps, then that would be something to me”. As always, I underestimate what I’m capable of.
On my first attempt, I didn’t manage 5. I managed 20! As I sat down, I did have a lump in my throat, what the hell just happened?! While I was having a few minutes break, Daisy was crawling about, she’s never seen so much space before, she was in her element!
Could I manage another 20? I can but try… I didn’t do 20, but instead 21 on the second attempt! A coincidence that I did 20, then 21, and the year is 2021 – yes, I am that type of person to be amused at things like that!
Wow, okay, I don’t know what to think now, this was very surreal! My legs felt a little shaky but not enough to say that’s enough for today. Surely I couldn’t do anymore?
Not quite 21, but I did manage another 20! A whopping total of 61 steps by myself with my walking frame. I’m still trying to get my head around it, it was amazing. That is the biggest milestone yet of my recovery and I have no idea what to aim for next!
Well, that’s a lie, I do but I don’t want to jinx it so will just keep working hard in physio and we shall see!
Christmas
I was a bit apprehensive of Christmas this year due to our financial blip a while back, so I’ve not been able to get people presents but I made sure Daisy had 5 or 6, and a couple for Ewan. But overall, it was a nice day, Daisy loved all of her presents.
Ewan got me a Loki purse (Loungefly), they’re not cheap but oh my goodness, I’ve loved it and wanted one ever since I saw it online. He also got me this shawl/poncho type thing, it’s Alice in Wonderland (I’ve never watched Alice in Wonderland), but it’s green and has a nice design on it.
Credit where credits due, he did put a lot of thought into that as he knows I don’t like heavy clothing and getting too hot, but this was the perfect thickness, not even thick but it provides me with enough comfort and warmth that I don’t get too hot.
Daisy got a few soft toys, including Iggle Piggle, Upsey Daisy, and Makka Pakka – although she cried when she was given Makka Pakka because he has big eyes, they all have big eyes so I don’t know.
She got a chair, which she can play with (buttons to press, a little book to flap, and she can lift the seat up and hide things in the little space). And she has the cutest elf hat!
What’s Coming Up In January?
I’m taking part in Bloganuary! My first ever blog challenge and I genuinely have no idea how this will pan out but we shall see. Good really considering earlier on in this post I said I wouldn’t be taking anything else on… so what do I go and do? Sign up for a month-long challenge. Are you taking part in the challenge?
I did manage to get one review posted this month, I still need to write up October’s and November’s box reviews. I’d like to write a review of 2021, it’s been a very unexpected year and it’d be nice for me to look back on.
I’m not sure when my next physio session will be, but can’t wait to get back to it. I’m not sure what else is happening but we shall see.
Oh, and I turn 27!
Me, Ewan, and Daisy would like to wish you all a very happy new year and focus on what makes YOU happy!
See you in 2022!
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